As many friends of mine know, I collect books about writing – handbooks, critical collections, author memoirs.
I’ve been through close to 100 volumes on the subject of “writing” – and while not a single one of them holds “the Truth”, there is not a single one of them that did not teach me something.
Which is cool.
And yet…
A classic chapter in almost every writing handbook is something called “Dealing with rejection” – an essential set of “rules” for those bad days when a letter or a mail comes telling us that our story sucks.
Boy, it’s useful – because our stories do suck, sometimes.
What I find sorely missing is a chapter about “Dealing with plain hostility” – a set of rules for those bad days when someone decides to slam us, basically to vent their own frustration and make somebody else miserable.
I’m not talking about serious criticism.
I’m not talking about “Your main character is called Bill on page one, Archie on page seven, then William on page fifteen”.
I’m talking about hostility – which is normally aimed at people, not at texts: calling names, making personal attacks about the look, orientations or personal inclinations of the author or his/her collaborators, more generally acting as sphincters.
Now, such attitude is granted to generate more hostility.
Instinctively, we want to see our slammers slammed in turn – we want to crush them, see them driven before us, and hear the lamentation of their women.
But we are not barbarians.
So here’s my personal recipe – and I can’t guarantee it will work for you, but it does work with me most of the time, and if nothing else, might give you some ideas.
First – take a long walk.
No, really – the worst you can do when somebody attacks you or your work in an arbitrary, personal and hostile way, is reply straight away.
Cool off, take a walk, brew some tea.
Take it easy.
Also, realize normally such horrid attacks are born of the attacker’s own unhappiness and frustration and fear.
It’s their problem, not yours – and aggravating it is not what you want to do.
Now, ask yourself – is it worth replying?
Basically there are two answers – you guessed right, yes and no.
Normally, at least in my experience, replying is not worth its while.
So forget about the whole issue, get back to work – you have stories to write, readers to please.
In some instances, on the other hand, you have to prove you’re a polite individual, and therefore a reply is essential.
Be compassionate, be fun, be thankful.
Yes, thank them for their observations – if there’s anything pertinent in what they said about you and your work (normally it’s about you, but who knows…) focus on that.
In general, be as non-aggressive and level-headed possible.
If you can’t say anything good about them and their opinion of you, ok, cut it short – thank them for their feedback, and then go back to work.
You can always get your revenge by using them as comedy relief characters in your next story – and by posting about such a strategy on your blog, you’ll make sure they’ll buy a copy of anything you publish in the next six weeks.
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Karavansara 
13 January 2014 at 07:06
Good post, David. I hadn’t thought about the “dealing with hostility” topic in books about writing – but as more and more writing appears online, it seems like a really smart topic to bring up in a book about writing.
My approach is this: Is someone has strong thoughts or feelings one way or the other about something I’ve written, they must have some of the same interests as me. That’s a good approach to get a hostile commenter to mellow out a bit. I once wrote something about A Game of Thrones, and it generated a lot of less-than-polite responses. I only responded to a few, but I made it a point to say “I love talking about these books, regardless of whether someone has a different opinion about what I’ve said.”
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13 January 2014 at 13:45
Thanks for the comment, Justin.
I agree with your approach – what I normally say is, if there’s something worth discussing, then let’s do it.
I’ve had some problems with GoT fans too – and sometimes they have been pretty rough. But it’s ok – the vast majority of people out there wants to talk and share ideas, not just trade insults, so the net result is always positive.
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